Yeah, the hormone phase has passed. I've been much happier the last week. Have been spending a lot of time with the boys and just enjoying the giggles that they bring. Misdemeanor had me rolling in the aisles of the grocery store with pretending to be a knight and kept calling me "Your Majesty" and kneeling on his knee every time I asked him to do or grab something. "Yes, your Majesty." I spent time laying in bed with them and teaching them to make rude sounds with their lips. We made cupcakes and they have just been so affectionate and kissy. Misdemeanor is out of school again and they leave on Wednesday for a week with their father.
Another week of work and trying to get in trouble is planned. A friend of mine has moved back to Atlanta and I'm looking forward to seeing him again. Had spent many a nights getting drunk and going dancing at a gay clubs with him. I was always the token straight girl in the group.
Also planning on packing X's things to give to him. The phrase that keeps popping in my head is "Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda". Not angry or sad just perplexed on what little effort could have kept me from leaving. But dragged out way too long and love was gone beyond repair. I also have learned not to put everyone else's happiness and wants before mine. Did that too long and just got lost and left behind.
I'm in a good place with great friends. I feel love and give love. I know I am having the capacity to open up a bit more and letting people nearer. Life still sometimes scares me BUT ain't getting off of the ride. Enjoying it the new experiences way too much.