Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
My job has reared its ugly teeth. They fired a very good long term nurse on Friday because she was unable to work full time due to the fact she attended school. The reason was cutting back due to the budget. She was so upset because she was looking forward to getting pregnant with her first. The reasoning for the "budget" I won't even go into. All I can say is that some rash doc made some rash decisions which failed miserably.
The boys have been out of school since Tuesday due to the Flu. Since it was That flu, I was told to stay home because I had a cough. I started my Tamiflu as soon as I got it for preventive measures.
Now I feel like I have got a target on my back. There is no other person who can do my job but I truely dislike my job but should feel lucky to have one. I want to get out of the medical field but I don't know where to go. I kick myself for not finishing college. At least with that, my options would have been better. I'd do well in a corporate office. I work hard and do use my mind a lot. Was looking at grants but it's just not possible. Resume is out but I think the fact that before this job, I wasn't working for three years because I was fighting the State of Georgia for my son is not going to be taken into consideration. His autism needed me more than my job at the time. Don't want to live paycheck to paycheck. Stressed about it so much that I thought that maybe I am not the best caregiver for my boys. I've fought so many years for services they require but I am unsure if I can provide what they need anymore on my own.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
It's been a little hectic juggling a new job that has me trying to restructure everything. Hard to come into an established practice as the new person but high on the chain of command and seeing so much things going wrong. Luckily I have the support of my boss and she has confidence in me. Trying not to lose my cool and having to deal with "who the heck is she to tell ME how to do MY job?" Too much comfort in their way of doing things but not realizing how much in the way they are not doing their job is affecting the practice's income. I always had the mindset that you have to earn your seat and these women are presently sitting in cushy seats but really deserve wooden foot stools. Going to be a fun FUN (NOT) Monday meeting with all. Have been asked to make a list of ALL the wrong ways things are being done. Have a front desk manager who doesn't seem to keep up with the current regs that the insurance companies are implementing. Heck, I've been out of the business for 4 years and I still am more current than her.
The kids are being the kids. They came back from Florida and have been little ticks on my ass. They are just being so demanding with the little free time I have. Always have hugs and kisses being forced upon me. I don't mind at all though. Will come a time when I'm just not the coolest and best mom anymore.
Still working on trying to get a divorce. It's been over a year since we've seperated and the X still has issues. Still being treated as the beck and call girl in every aspect and he doesn't understand the concept of me not wanting to be his wife any longer. Really wish he would move on and let me go.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Listening to this
and then Ipod led me back to my roots.
Saw him last year and he still sounds so good. Some music just stands the test of time and becomes a classic.
Trying not to be blue.
Sorry about the advertisement. Couldn't find the video anywhere else.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
My A/C started dying on me on Sunday. Came home and it was making funny noises. The weirdest part was the ring of ice around the tube connecting into the unit and the icicles hanging down. What's a girl to do about that? Call a guy which I did. They told me to turn it off and let it defrost. It apparently does happen in the South. I did. Went grocery shopping and was debating to try and fix the broken ring or hire someone. After reexamining the whole thing, I realized it needed brute strength. Also did several loads of laundry to heat up the defrost process. Next day, turned it back on. Came home to discover my A/C was moaning and groaning and shuddering uncontrollably. OMG, this is going to be the most expensive orgasm I will have to pay for. And it wasn't even mine.
So Tuesday, I made appointment for Wednesday morn between 9 and 9:30. I wait on Wednesday after taking off the morn for work. 9:30 I call. "Hey, this is me and I was trying to get a estimated time of arrival." The RESPONSE...."Hey, I got to answer the phones so can we resched?" Fine.... Saturday.
So hot so did calling around and did find someone who could do it Saturday also. Was going to drop kick first A/C guy tomorrow.
Then a miracle happened. The owner called and said "hey, how's the fixed A/C doing". Was nice and told him the whole situation of what had transpired. He kept apologizing and then SAID "Well, I talked to your husband about it"....WHAT THE HELL. Informed him that I did not have a husband. So now instead of coming on Saturday, he's coming tomorrow after my day at work and not charging me the service fee and taking off $10 every pound of freon I may need.
And I only got 15% on the Face Book "how bitchy are you" quiz.
Finally the temp upstairs is dropping to 79.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Only one week has passed since I've been back to the working class and I am just plain exhausted of juggling kids, finding a nanny (would love to do daycare but Misdemeanor has so many appointments and school), preparing to work, and working full time. I am trying to absorb and fix so many problems at work that I feel needs to be tackled and solved all at once. Think I'm a little OCD. Must learn to handle one fire at a time or else I'm going to go crazy and take some people with me when I finally snap. So it's gotten to the point that I am so brain dead to write anything witty or smart (but then again, have I ever done it in the past?). Haven't had the time to keep up on what other bloggers are writing and I feel so bad because I AM interested but my body and life has to get to a point where they both can coexist in peaceful harmony. Haven't reached that point yet. When I do, I'll be commenting and posting and keeping up with all the interesting and wonderful people I have found. And one day, I'll finally get to meet the ones here in Atlanta. One day my life will reach a point of Zen.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Saturday- Took the boys to the Aquarium. ARGH!!! What was I thinking?!?!?! On a Saturday.
Sunday-Spent time with Misdemeanor and Felony before they went to their father's for a week.
Monday- Dreading Tuesday.
Tuesday- Mediation. Accomplished absolutely nothing but spent a lot of money doing it. Apparently God told him that he needs to have custody of the children. And God also said he needed to make me sell the house and move to closer to his sister's so I can take care of the children's educational and health needs while he retains custody. WTF?!?!?!?! Everyone but him knows there is a snowballs chance in hell for him to win custody. I've got speech therapists, occupational therapists, developmental pediatricians, and other professionals who are laughing and willing to be on my side because in the last 9+ years, they have barely seen him be involved as a parent. Left as an impasse. Next stop. Waiting for court date. Apparently all (my attorney and mediator say that someone has a control issue and has problems letting go)
(Meanwhile during this week, I've been searching for a nanny. Daycare would not pick Misdemeanor up from Extended School Year or be able to take him to all his therapies)
Wednesday- On my meanderings for childcare, I received a phone call in regards to a resume I sent weeks ago. Now I already verbally accepted a part time job for shit hours and shit pay but hey, it was a job. So I said "what the hell". Told her that I had accepted a job but she insisted on meeting me. I'll go. Met with her and she LOVED me. Offered me position on the spot. Operations Manager for Pediatric Cardiovascular clinics. YEAH!!!
The ICING: I can pay all my bills and bank the child support!!!
Thursday- Shopping for work clothes. I hate/loathe shopping. May have found nanny. Meeting her on Sunday. But do have temp sitter for next week so I have a week's leeway.
Kids come back on Sunday and I totally feel like I haven't had any downtime at all.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Still trying to figure out which is the fuzzy end of the lollipop.
This has been a hard week. Blues or the mean reds? Just laying up under the surface with flareups of emotions. Dealing with emotions for the first time is very very hard. Trying to figure which side is up and which side is down. Adding and trying to figure out other people's emotions is additional insanity. Everything is layered and sometimes I just don't feel like spending the time peeling back the layers. My life is already complicated enough.
Took the boy's to the Aquarium today. None of us have ever been. They will be with their father starting tomorrow for a week. Misdemeanor was fine except for the chewing of his fingers in dealing with the insanity of the crowds. He liked it. Felony was ready to go home after the first exhibit. How quickly their little personalities grow so divergent from the other. How quickly mom was glad for a little Xanax to deal with both of them. Will go again but never again on a weekend.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
I need funny ha ha...not funny sad.....
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Still trying to get him to learn that different appearances are good and that people with mohawks are cool. Think he would have a hard time with the concept that Mommy used to be one of those goth/punk weirdos.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Wouldn't change it for the world.
I actually despise Autism Speaks, Cure Autism Now and most of the other autism groups for a lot of reasons. First off, all their videos show children on the extreme tantrum spectrum. Not all autistic children are like that. Mine isn't. He internalizes his anxiety which makes it much harder to tell when he is having problems. So my child who is not a "problem child" gets ignored. Second reason is why I dislike them is their distribution of their monies. Monies from Autism Walk and etc. is not going to therapies that is usually not covered by private insurance and getting services through the school systems is a joke. Most of this raised/brought in money is not going to help children/teenagers who need services NOW. It's going to funding labs and etc. Who knows if there is ever going to be a cure for Autism. All I want to know is what is going to happen to the next generation of children when they reach adult hood.
Update: Just read that "news piece". My head is spinning. There is no current cure for Autism.
Update to the update: Just figured out my frigging links don't work. Apologies. Will figure it out sometime soon.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
"Martyr Queen was born in a small village in an Asian country. Her mother had died when she was young and she was left with two elder sisters who abandoned the family and a father who taught her the meaning of love. Love to him was blind devotion and taking the physical and emotional abuse he doled out frequently. When she worked, she would go and buy cigarette and alcohol and kneel before him with her gifts (and the rest of her pay). Being beaten at his whim was never questioned even if it wasn't deserved. One day she met an American soldier and fell in love. They married and had a child. When his tour of duty in her country was over, they moved to the US. Martyr Queen was very unhappy in her new country and her new in-laws did not welcome her. She missed her father. When her father learned of her longing to see him again, he blew his brains out so she would have no reason to come back to her country. That was the meaning of love. Martyr Queen had another child but still had difficulties in adapting to her new home. She once stood over an overpass with her two young children in her arms and was prepared to throw herself and her children to their deaths. But the eldest child who was the only one able to talk, looked at her mother and said she wanted to go home. The marriage ended and Martyr Queen took the children and left the state. The children never saw their father again until they were 18. "
*** Update: Woke up this morning and said WTF?!?!?! Need less bitching and wallowing in self-pity. Letting it stay but wanting to be less gloom and doom. Need to be more piss and vinegar.
Monday, April 27, 2009
X's family-Ummm, no comment at this time.
Next time, I'll finish introducing the rest of the cast known as Dysfunctional 'R Us or just known as my side of the family.
So who am I? Still figuring that one out. The facts are easy. I'm 39, 2 kids and headed for a most acrimonious divorce. Was always considered by others to be very independent and strong but somehow in 16 years, I lost that person and now rediscovering her again. Found myself turning into someone who I didn't recognize and knew I deserved the right to have emotions and respect instead of just putting them in a box and ignoring them for a decade. Discovered the unhealthiness of living like that and decided to make a change. Realized that if I was going to be SuperWoman(i.e. mom and dad to two boys who one is autistic, healthcare advocate, education advocate, chaffeur, cook, housewife, cum dump, baggage dumping ground, etc. etc.), I would rather do it without the criticisms, armchair quarterbacking, emotional blackmail and the non-reality he lived in. And besides the fact that in 6 years, he never learned anything about autism and had so many unrealistic goals for child.
So to wrap up first blog. So what am I going to write about in the future? Well I predict that first few will be getting some things off my chest and the rest will be about me and my growth into becoming a human being with feelings again. Now don't worry, all my posts will not be heavy. I use to have a wicked sense of humor and I'm trying to retap into that vein. Know it's there...