LOL.... I forgot the title

Yeah, the hormone phase has passed. I've been much happier the last week. Have been spending a lot of time with the boys and just enjoying the giggles that they bring. Misdemeanor had me rolling in the aisles of the grocery store with pretending to be a knight and kept calling me "Your Majesty" and kneeling on his knee every time I asked him to do or grab something. "Yes, your Majesty." I spent time laying in bed with them and teaching them to make rude sounds with their lips. We made cupcakes and they have just been so affectionate and kissy. Misdemeanor is out of school again and they leave on Wednesday for a week with their father.

Another week of work and trying to get in trouble is planned. A friend of mine has moved back to Atlanta and I'm looking forward to seeing him again. Had spent many a nights getting drunk and going dancing at a gay clubs with him. I was always the token straight girl in the group.

Also planning on packing X's things to give to him. The phrase that keeps popping in my head is "Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda". Not angry or sad just perplexed on what little effort could have kept me from leaving. But dragged out way too long and love was gone beyond repair. I also have learned not to put everyone else's happiness and wants before mine. Did that too long and just got lost and left behind.

I'm in a good place with great friends. I feel love and give love. I know I am having the capacity to open up a bit more and letting people nearer. Life still sometimes scares me BUT ain't getting off of the ride. Enjoying it the new experiences way too much.

Identity Crisis Or Just PMSing?

This is a post I've been working on for a while. Coming to terms with my new role in life as a single working mom of two. Enjoying it immensely BUT then I started thinking about my future as a single woman. I dread a dating scene where it's "Hi, I'm NeitherHereNorThere. I'm at the cusp of 40 with two children 10 and less and they'll be in the picture until the youngest is 18 and BTW, did I mention that my eldest is High Functioning Autistic." I see them chewing their legs to run as quickly as they can.

I asked a male friend who is a shrink what was his opinion on older men wanting to date women with children. "Do you want the truth?" "Of course I want the truth!" "Well, as a man I have to say is that the older I get, the more I think they suck." "Gee thanks, can we go back to the whole truth answer. I think I want to change my mind."

I'm coming to the terms that I may be alone for a long while. I have to admit I think I've failed the whole human emotions course of life. I've never really let myself fall in love with anyone. I've always had myself protected very well and never allowed myself to get attached to anyone even the ex. I'm trying to change that but in regards to my love life, I think it's an area that I need to be safe in. I have a fear of being rejected because of who I am: a mom with two kids. I want to experience the whole range of emotions of love but realistically, it's making me cry and I'm not a crier. I'm sitting here with tears running down knowing that the one part I so desperately wanted when I was married is just not possible in my present and future.

Oh, I hope I'm just PMSing and this feeling goes away.

Out of breath... Have a moment so......

I want to thank everyone for their good thoughts and great words.

It's been a little hectic juggling a new job that has me trying to restructure everything. Hard to come into an established practice as the new person but high on the chain of command and seeing so much things going wrong. Luckily I have the support of my boss and she has confidence in me. Trying not to lose my cool and having to deal with "who the heck is she to tell ME how to do MY job?" Too much comfort in their way of doing things but not realizing how much in the way they are not doing their job is affecting the practice's income. I always had the mindset that you have to earn your seat and these women are presently sitting in cushy seats but really deserve wooden foot stools. Going to be a fun FUN (NOT) Monday meeting with all. Have been asked to make a list of ALL the wrong ways things are being done. Have a front desk manager who doesn't seem to keep up with the current regs that the insurance companies are implementing. Heck, I've been out of the business for 4 years and I still am more current than her.

The kids are being the kids. They came back from Florida and have been little ticks on my ass. They are just being so demanding with the little free time I have. Always have hugs and kisses being forced upon me. I don't mind at all though. Will come a time when I'm just not the coolest and best mom anymore.

Still working on trying to get a divorce. It's been over a year since we've seperated and the X still has issues. Still being treated as the beck and call girl in every aspect and he doesn't understand the concept of me not wanting to be his wife any longer. Really wish he would move on and let me go.

Check 1 2 3

Overwhelmed by life. Will be back.

It's Saturday and the boys are asleep. One in my bed and the other is in his own bed. Tomorrow they leave for a week so I'll be childless for a week. Misdemeanor is upset that I'm not going with them to Florida. He's been really attached today wanting to spend time with me. Very mellow and quiet. Getting him to talk about his feelings is like pulling teeth. With the autism, his self awareness is almost nil. He has all these emotions inside but doesn't understand them and it's hard for him to explain what he is feeling and why. I do dread him being away without some minimal support. His father (the ex) really didn't get involved with the autism. He still hasn't learned to pick up the cues that I can from Misdemeanor on how he is relating to a situation or place. Too much sounds or actions and he just tunes out. I let him know that he can call me anytime that he needs to. Just trying to reassure him that I will be there for him and he can talk to me.

Listening to this



and then Ipod led me back to my roots.

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

Saw him last year and he still sounds so good. Some music just stands the test of time and becomes a classic.

Trying not to be blue.

Sorry about the advertisement. Couldn't find the video anywhere else.

Inhumane torture Part 2 (aka Where is the missing link in customer service)

So the A/C saga continues. Still no A/C. First guy I found stood me up 3 times with no phone call or no show. Finally he comes out AFTER I left a brief and concise message of how I was going to put my dissatisfaction with his company on every review I could find that was linked to his company. Surprise surprise, he showed up on Friday evening at 5:30 to tell me what I already knew. It wasn't the freon. With the sounds it was making, I knew something else was out of whack. The price he quoted me was $2K. Told him to call me later that evening to discuss possibly setting up a time for Monday. Then I waited and waited and thought and thought. Well, long story short, the guy finally does call at 10:50 p.m. which I was so disgusted with his unprofessionalism that I ignored the call. Didn't hear from him again this weekend. The loser. So called an acquaintance who lives on the other side of ATL and asked her since I knew her hubby was formerly a contractor. Lucky me that her cousin is an A/C guy who came out today and saw the unit and is now fixing it tomorrow for much less than the stupid guy. Now here comes the funny part..... I got a call from him today begging and pleading with me to give him another chance. .... WTF!?!?! Am I in a relationship with this man? He said I should forgive him and think of his kids and that he is a part time preacher who preaches to forgive and give people second chances. I'm so sorry but you have been the most unprofessional service repairman that I've ever had the unfortunate pleasure to call and have to deal with. And BTW, he asked me if I could take down the review I put up on a site that basically said he was a no show/no call 3 times and was very unprofessional and unreliable. Sorry bud but that is staying up. I think if God exists, he would prefer me to tell the truth.

Living in the South w/o A/C is only a degree hotter than hell

My A/C started dying on me on Sunday. Came home and it was making funny noises. The weirdest part was the ring of ice around the tube connecting into the unit and the icicles hanging down. What's a girl to do about that? Call a guy which I did. They told me to turn it off and let it defrost. It apparently does happen in the South. I did. Went grocery shopping and was debating to try and fix the broken ring or hire someone. After reexamining the whole thing, I realized it needed brute strength. Also did several loads of laundry to heat up the defrost process. Next day, turned it back on. Came home to discover my A/C was moaning and groaning and shuddering uncontrollably. OMG, this is going to be the most expensive orgasm I will have to pay for. And it wasn't even mine.

So Tuesday, I made appointment for Wednesday morn between 9 and 9:30. I wait on Wednesday after taking off the morn for work. 9:30 I call. "Hey, this is me and I was trying to get a estimated time of arrival." The RESPONSE...."Hey, I got to answer the phones so can we resched?" Fine.... Saturday.

So hot so did calling around and did find someone who could do it Saturday also. Was going to drop kick first A/C guy tomorrow.

Then a miracle happened. The owner called and said "hey, how's the fixed A/C doing". Was nice and told him the whole situation of what had transpired. He kept apologizing and then SAID "Well, I talked to your husband about it"....WHAT THE HELL. Informed him that I did not have a husband. So now instead of coming on Saturday, he's coming tomorrow after my day at work and not charging me the service fee and taking off $10 every pound of freon I may need.

And I only got 15% on the Face Book "how bitchy are you" quiz.

Finally the temp upstairs is dropping to 79.