You've been on my mind.....

Now get off, you're too darn heavy. No, seriously, I know I've been away but let's take a quick step in the way back machine and you'll see why.

Saturday- Took the boys to the Aquarium. ARGH!!! What was I thinking?!?!?! On a Saturday.

Sunday-Spent time with Misdemeanor and Felony before they went to their father's for a week.

Monday- Dreading Tuesday.

Tuesday- Mediation. Accomplished absolutely nothing but spent a lot of money doing it. Apparently God told him that he needs to have custody of the children. And God also said he needed to make me sell the house and move to closer to his sister's so I can take care of the children's educational and health needs while he retains custody. WTF?!?!?!?! Everyone but him knows there is a snowballs chance in hell for him to win custody. I've got speech therapists, occupational therapists, developmental pediatricians, and other professionals who are laughing and willing to be on my side because in the last 9+ years, they have barely seen him be involved as a parent. Left as an impasse. Next stop. Waiting for court date. Apparently all (my attorney and mediator say that someone has a control issue and has problems letting go)

(Meanwhile during this week, I've been searching for a nanny. Daycare would not pick Misdemeanor up from Extended School Year or be able to take him to all his therapies)

Wednesday- On my meanderings for childcare, I received a phone call in regards to a resume I sent weeks ago. Now I already verbally accepted a part time job for shit hours and shit pay but hey, it was a job. So I said "what the hell". Told her that I had accepted a job but she insisted on meeting me. I'll go. Met with her and she LOVED me. Offered me position on the spot. Operations Manager for Pediatric Cardiovascular clinics. YEAH!!!

The ICING: I can pay all my bills and bank the child support!!!

Thursday- Shopping for work clothes. I hate/loathe shopping. May have found nanny. Meeting her on Sunday. But do have temp sitter for next week so I have a week's leeway.

Kids come back on Sunday and I totally feel like I haven't had any downtime at all.

Feeling like Sugar

Still trying to figure out which is the fuzzy end of the lollipop.

This has been a hard week. Blues or the mean reds? Just laying up under the surface with flareups of emotions. Dealing with emotions for the first time is very very hard. Trying to figure which side is up and which side is down. Adding and trying to figure out other people's emotions is additional insanity. Everything is layered and sometimes I just don't feel like spending the time peeling back the layers. My life is already complicated enough.

Evil Twin Powers....Activate

Took the boy's to the Aquarium today. None of us have ever been. They will be with their father starting tomorrow for a week. Misdemeanor was fine except for the chewing of his fingers in dealing with the insanity of the crowds. He liked it. Felony was ready to go home after the first exhibit. How quickly their little personalities grow so divergent from the other. How quickly mom was glad for a little Xanax to deal with both of them. Will go again but never again on a weekend.

The end of another year

And the once a year obligatory cake I make. I just am not a baker. At least this year, I'm getting better with frosting the darn thing. I can spackle a wall really good but do tend to massacre the cake. They chose strawberry cake this year.

My day before 10 a.m. in images

Not in any particular order.

Present image:

X ----> Butt Pimple-------> Evil Incarnate

Had a little break this weekend. Good to just unwind sometimes but alas, back to reality.

EI and I are having our divorce mediation in one week. Visitation is definitely going to be addressed. He thinks it's perfectly appropriate to change up on me and I just have to scramble to figure that day out. I change my plans to accommodate him. So today I asked him if he'd be willing to take them one day early for first week long visitation. Surprise the answer was no. Then was told by him that visitation is not something he is required to abide by. Since I am primary custodian of the children, I should be at his beck and call when he thinks he has the time. I can honestly say that he truly sucks at being a father.

I need funny ha ha...not funny sad.....

Also have been spending my free alternate Sunday afternoons with a very close friend's child who is 5 1/2 at the children's hospital. He had a leukemia relapse and is now going through the process of getting him ready for a bone marrow transplant. He also has Down's Syndrome. I was around when he first got diagnosed and now they're back to square one. Giving him and his wife and younger son some regular time. He spends so much time at the hospital practically living there. So for the next 6+ months, I'll be there every other Sunday for 5 hours. Very emotionally draining but also grateful for the friends that I have and truly care about and doing what I can to ease their world.

Yep, the wrists are still virgin

No slash marks on the wrist after the last few brutal days. Did have some good news. Mediation for divorce has been set.

Had interview yesterday and another today. Getting interviews. That is at least good news. Know some people who haven't even had that hope. Have to land something soon.

Did pick a book. If I actually learn something, you'll see it soon.

It's Monday and looking at my schedule.... Oy Vey!

I can officially say that this may be the worst Monday I can remember.

1. Had to turn over summer visitation scheduling to attorney. WTF?!?!?! After 2.5 weeks of asking in writing for scheduling visitation FIVE separate times and getting absolutely no response and two days of being yelled to "shut the f#@k up", I gave up.

2. Martyr Queen informed me yesterday that she is having gallbladder surgery today. Spoke to her 1.5 weeks ago. She's still pissed at me for not doing what she wants. How long will it be before she cuts another child out of her life.

3. My half sister (by my biological father). Her mother (who is wife #2 of #5) was supposed to start her trial today for pedophilia. Her ex husband (not bio father but man after) was arrested and convicted of sexual molestation of young boys. Apparently she offered her sons to this man for years and then her grandsons. Half sister just wants this to end. Trial has been rescheduled.

4. For the first time ever, I was late to my son's OT appt. It was so out of character for me they were concerned. I've always been predictable and reliable. After school, the boys did homework and then I took them to the park before therapy. I guess I just had a brain fart. It's just been one of those days.

I'm ready for my close up now.

Happy Mother's day

I'm on a river in Egypt. To those who celebrate, enjoy.

Video Recaps | Full Episodes | Webisodes

Misdemeanor is dragging a skeleton half out of my closet

So after several years of owning Guitar Hero, Misdemeanor picked it back up and attempted it again. After listening to several horrible songs they made him play, my ears picked up a familiar song of my youth. Little did I know he would be singing the chorus over and over again after he stopped playing the game.

Still trying to get him to learn that different appearances are good and that people with mohawks are cool. Think he would have a hard time with the concept that Mommy used to be one of those goth/punk weirdos.

I have a tiger eye

Wouldn't change it for the world.

I actually despise Autism Speaks, Cure Autism Now and most of the other autism groups for a lot of reasons. First off, all their videos show children on the extreme tantrum spectrum. Not all autistic children are like that. Mine isn't. He internalizes his anxiety which makes it much harder to tell when he is having problems. So my child who is not a "problem child" gets ignored. Second reason is why I dislike them is their distribution of their monies. Monies from Autism Walk and etc. is not going to therapies that is usually not covered by private insurance and getting services through the school systems is a joke. Most of this raised/brought in money is not going to help children/teenagers who need services NOW. It's going to funding labs and etc. Who knows if there is ever going to be a cure for Autism. All I want to know is what is going to happen to the next generation of children when they reach adult hood.

Update: Just read that "news piece". My head is spinning. There is no current cure for Autism.

Update to the update: Just figured out my frigging links don't work. Apologies. Will figure it out sometime soon.

Feeling a bit Eddie-ish today and it's only 10:30 a.m.

The aftermath of last week's little pity party

Got package today...

Yeah, I could always use the skirt.

A girl always needs a va-va-voom dress

Now what the hell was I thinking ordering 5" heels?

It's a wonderful life aka hey I finally mowed the lawn

Ow ow ow OUCH! Don't know what the heck I've been doing but woke up with right shoulder/neck pain. Maybe too much mouse play. Anyways, it's a breezy, really overcast day with expected flooding and thunderstorms. Perfect day to attempt to mow the lawn. Being newly single and the kiddies not old enough to actually be useful in manual labor, I knew it was something I would have to do. Until I find employment, can't afford to pay someone to do it. And I must say it wasn't that bad. It only took me 15 minutes to figure out how to start the mower. Pushing and pulling was a strain but did accidentally pushed a lever and VOILA, self propulsion... Wow.. it was easy from there.

Viva la freedom revolution!

I blame the cat

Went to bed after midnight and did turn alarm on. Alarm went off. Hit the snooze button. Went off again and got up. Little dark outside. Hmmm. Made coffee. Woke up the kiddies and fed them breakfast. Drank coffee. Got their teeth brushed, dressed and ready for school. Crap, forgot cellphone upstairs. Actually looked at time on phone. WTF!?!?!?! 4:30 a.m. All crawled back in bed for 3 more hours. It's going to be one of those days, isn't it?

But hey, my day just brightened up by reading this: The British are showing brilliance in some of their choices of whom to exclude.

Marriage Certificate has got a hot date

Whenever it is finally complete and done, going to introduce Mr. Certificate to a new friend called Ms. Grill.

And yes, I plan on YouTubing it and posting a link. Maybe even a party.